Okay, here's the deal about today: so many funny things have happened that I cannot contain myself:

1) It's really cold in my office. I am wearing a thin sweater, so EVERYBODY knows how cold I am. That's not right- nobody else seems to be cold. I go in the elevator and it is empty, which is great, because it is one huge mirror inside and I poke 'em back in, so that you can't tell. What if there are security cameras in there? People will think I am a pervert.

2) Angel-boss came to my desk this morning and asked me for the name of a good gynecologist. Ummm... she's my boss. That's not quality. I don't know how to answer that question! Oh- and she's pregnant. Shouldn't she know one by now???

3) I have been drinking a bottle of water for every cup of coffee I drink (2 so far today). That's all well and good, except I am the Pee Queen (Queen P, but the P doesn't stand for a word that rhymes with 'wussy'). People probably think I do drugs.

4) My coworker buddy Jennifer is stalking out her sister who left her family, so I am engaged in finding ways to make her stalking more fun, and more lucrative.

5) On my way in to work, I was driving directly behind a honda civic (circa 1994) with a HUGE bumper sticker that read "I Heart (a heart) My Wife". What kind of crap did that guy pull that he had to put that sticker on his car???

6) I haven't acomplished ONE DAMN THING at work today. Good times- being paid to do NOTHING.

7) I did listen to an online recording of a little kid calling Hades (from Hercules?) an "Idiot". Too funny.

8) The office little hag was later today than I was. Second day in a row. Her boss is SOOO out of town.

9) I heard a rumor yesterday that the office little hag is pregnant. Wouldn't that rule? She would be leaving for weeks at a time and maybe, just maybe, she won't come back. It would be HELL to be her child.

10) Work would be a lot more fun if I were drinking. Do you think I could slide some saki or something into my water bottle and fool everyone?

It's really very good to be me these days.

A little stupid
Here's a few stupid things that happened this week.

One- my husband did time in the pokey. Okay, not really time, just a handfull of hours, but still. Jeesh.

Two- I have overslept every day this week. Including Monday, when I was off work.

I did get to sing in a band, though- that's cool. I was second fiddle to a mediocre 15 year old girl. GA.

Now it is Wednesday (already, yeah!) and I am working (in theory) and Filing (in reality!). My head is in Bermuda because it is raining again and I think I have secretly moved to Seattle or London and just didn't notice.

Finding Virginia
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Pets at our house
I have two goldfish. Their names are Virginia and Bullet, and they were originally purchased to take part in abstinence education training, which involves cruelly ladling them out of their bowl and throwing them onto a tabletop, effectively nigh killing them.

Virginia was my second fish, replacing Amber (slutty named fish, doomed from inception), who didn't quite last 48 hours in my care. When Amber died, I couldn't flush her- my friend Carol had to do it for me.

Virginia and her pal, originally named Mary, the holy virgin fish were placed together last fall. Mary proceeded to do mad fish lovin' all over Virginia. It was surreal to sit in the abstinence education kingdom and wash fishy sex all day long. Mary was promptly renamed Bob.

Bob bought it at a training class... I was driving him over when his bowl tumped out and left him with about a half inch of water (note: fish water, when spilled in your car, will stink for weeks). I refilled him with hotel-site water, but had no neutralizer, and he was promptly chlorinated to death. I tried to revive him, but to no avail. I eulogized him, shed a few tears, and then made my friend Cliff flush him.

Virginia survived the same trip for the training. She's a trooper.

I bought Bullet to replace Bob. He (she) was a cool looking, striped fish, with eyes like my dad's and a Hitler mustache. All the stripes and the mustache faded away. Go figure.

Bullet is fast on the fly and a little bigger than Ginnie. They seem to get along pretty well.

Both fish came into existence in October of 2004. They're still alive and kicking (well, swimming), so I guess they're truly pets to us now. They will play with you, jumping up to "kiss" a finger if you put it in their bowl, and playing around in their marbles. They are really good fish.

We also have a Beta- Mr. Fishy. No one can accuse the 11 year old of being a good pet-namer. The Beta has his own environment, as, being a Beta, he will eat Ginny & Bullet with any given opportunity. He's pretty but SOOOOOO boring- never does anything but lay around being a fish.

Fish are cool.

After vacation musings
Mood:  lazy
Topic: Vacation
I spent time this weekend on vacation with my whole family (except my dad). The entire time was filled with activities you can only do on vacation: laying on the beach, drinking heavily, etc. You would think I have a million things to talk about, but the only thing that really sticks out is my brother's conversation about blue or green poop. He's such a child.

Neil singing karaoke was a winner. He sang "Twist and Shout" and had the entire crowd dancing and carrying on. I have never heard him sing better. I didn't sing very well, but I did sing Madonna, so Heather ought to be happy.

It's hard to come back from vacation and not feel the grind and the drudgery extra badly. I don't want to work this week, just want to sleep and be lazy all of the time. Yesterday was particularly hard, as I had to go to work, go to the grocery store, go home and cook, and run to church to meet about a float we are building for an upcoming parade. It's a pain, but totally worth it, so that's fine.

New fact of the month: sunburn hurts, and then it itches. A lot. Like mad.

Movies I want to see: Fever Pitch & Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Songs I want to sing soon: Jo Dee Messina songs and anything by Stephen Curtis Chapman.

kay bye.

The weather has finally turned springish and gorgeous. Neil is outside, working in the beautiful sunshine every day, getting tanned and muscle-ified from doing all that hard work...

I am sitting on my fat ass, eating the rest of my chocolate muffin (hell yes) and gaining inches by the moment. Literally, I think.

I hate Spring Forward. I have never felt so sincerely like I have had my ass kicked as I do today. I can't wait to go on vacation this weekend and get myself recharged. I was seriously bummed when Anita said she didn't want to go sailing, because that was something I was so much looking forward to doing.

Whatta Monday
A typical Monday would be just like today, plus rain. I am not awake at all, my work load consists of making indexes for three binders or inputting phone numbers into the boss's boss's blackberry, and I just poured a Doctor Pepper onto my desk, including my keyboard. That sucks. I had a dollar to my name, and I spent it on a chocolate muffin the size of a small chihuahua, which I ate and am now trying to quit sweating from sugar overload. It's not even 2pm yet.

I spent about 4 hours at the airport on Friday night, patiently awaiting the arrival (and departure) of an Air Tran airplane to New Orleans for my son. It was only delayed about 2.5 hours, so I guess I can count us lucky, although Neil spent that entire time bitching out various people for the moronic rule that only one person can accompany a minor to the gate. What kind of security bs is that?

We went to Six Flags (where a grown up can really be a kid- fuck Chuckie Cheese) all day on Saturday. I spent a goodly amount of time hanging upside down by various appendages- ass, feet, whatever- on roller coaster, which makes for a good day. I told a kid to quit "fucking around" with us while standing in line for the Wheelie. I mean, a kid- like 10 or 11 years old. Neil started laughing as the kid's eyes got all huge. Needless to say, he stopped fucking around with us. We are bigger...

My boss is working from home today, which I think gives me free reign to accomplish very little. That's good- I am not really in the mood to accomplish much of anything!

We are going out of town this week and I am looking forward to the road trip a lot. Missing Sam and being tired of being at home all at once makes getting outta here look really, really good.